Will I Go to Jewish Heaven?

When I see a silent person, I often wonder what she thinks of. I wonder if her mind is as busy as mine, I wonder if her thoughs jump from subject to subject in the same patterns, whether we worry about the same general things, or whether we even share the same exact thoughts (shallow or deep).

Right now, I am sitting in a front row of a San Francisco shuttle bus that is covered with dead flies. I am silent. But my thoughts are racing, as usual. There is nothing fluid about them. We (writers, bloggers) always aim for a fluidity of narrative, but I can not possibly write about this stuff in a narrative. There is no way I link these unrelated thoughts in a way that would make any sense. So why do these thoughts come into our minds in this order? How does one subject end and another random one start? Perhaps there is a link between them. A link that makes complete sense for a fraction of a second and allows one to transition from one topic to another... all in one's head.

Here is a small insight into my mind -- few of my thoughts as they come. There is a technical term for this style of writing, but I really don't feel like looking it up on Wikipedia.

1. I am thinking of the recent episode of the Real Housewives of NYC, about how Sonya said that Cindy needs to follow "pecking orders" in NYC society.
2. I am thinking of how many similar disasters come out of my own mouth, whether people remember them, how many potential friends did I already loose thanks to saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Or looking at someone in a way that makes people feel insecure, or ignored. You often have only one chance to give people an impression of who you are. Saying one wrong sentence might kill a potential of a life-long friendship between two people, even if they are very compatible and would be great friends had they met in a different settings.
3. Right now I am worried. About the guy next to me who is pretending he is not looking at my laptop screen but he is.
4. I just shrunk the font size of the text I'm writing and I barely see it now. I hope the snoop next to me is now unable to peek at my personal (!!!) stuff.
5. He continues to peek. I am looking his direction to let him know I know. Our shoulders are almost touching, it's pretty weird to look towards the person sitting right next to you. It seems like he got the message.
6. He is looking forward now, so I can probably stop obsessing whether the snoop sees what I'm writing or not.
7. I wonder if I'll ever find good platform heels I can wear during my commute, walking to/from the shuttle stop. The difference between the front of the platform and the heel needs to be less than 2.5 inches. Is very hard to find such shoes and once you find them, the shoe is usually too ugly, too wide, or does not have an adequate arch support. It's like searching for the perfect perfume. There is none.
8. I wonder how come there are no companies that would take a mold of your shoe and design the perfect dress shoe. There are plenty of places that make you a custom insole, but a woman can not fit an insole into a dress shoe, or a sandal. Most shoes are really poorly designed and try to please everyone, which is impossible to do. We get custom tailored suits, but we wear shoes made for a generic foot. Strange.
9. The shuttle is passing by San Francisco airport, and I wonder whether my house guests cleaned up my place for the party they are throwing tonight. It is the first time someone else uses my place as a venue for their party. All I hope is that I get to have fun without doing any kind of cleanup.
10. I just realized that the Pandora station I am listening to is not mine. It's Brad's and it's awesome. He is and always will be way cooler than me. I'm ok with that. Some people are born cool.
11. I was born with black curly hair on my back. Seriously. I was two weeks premature, strange long noodle-shaped infant with black hair both on the head and the body. I am now ash-blonde.
12. Wonder how much longer my grandpa will live. His health is deterriorating rapidly and I don't know if I will ever see him in person again. It takes 22 hours to travel to him.
13. Missing Fluffy, wondering what she's doing, whether she is curled into bublik (her favorite sleeping position) somewhere on a pillow right now.
14. Why do I need to go to bathroom everytime I'm on the bus? The Starbucks toilet next to my shuttle stop might do it but I wish I can hold until I get home.
15. Wonder if there are any guests at the house already. I am trying to introduce a single girlfriend to a guy at the party tonight, hope it goes well and I go to Jewish heaven.
16. Don't remember who told me about this (perhaps the jewy Ethan), but apparently even non-Jews can go to Jewish heaven if they match three couples that end up marrying. I have two couples under my belt already, and need one more. I really want to go see what the Jewish heaven looks like. :)
17. This snoop next to me is totally looking at my screen AGAIN!!! I am appalled. I am giving him another "I see you" look. But why does it bother me? He might read this online later anyways.
18. The shuttle is arriving and I will loose the internet connection soon. Hitting save button.

The party went well. The house was clean, the guests were nice, and my single girlfriend and the bachelor exchanged contacts. A Jewish guest told me the Jewish Heaven is an urban myth. I guess I won't go there after all.

Postscript

Because no post is good without a picture, here is a photo of Ethan, who told me about the Jewish Heaven.

Ladies, Ethan is single. He wanted to make sure that the ladies know that he has a Masters degree, a dog, and that he is very very jewy. Send your bios to petra@petracross.com and I will forward them to Ethan. 

I'd like to know if I your train of thoughts is similarly random, or if you think in very different patterns. Will you share a bit about yourself?

Comments

[Stewart]

Haha, I was talking to a (non-Jewish) friend about THAT EXACT THING the other day. I've had a hand in two potential matches, and there was almost a third. Too bad none of them have worked out, so I'm still 0 for 3. Didn't know you needed 3 marriages... thought it was just 1. Must be heavenly inflation.

I think my thoughts are a bit more circular - I keep going back to the thing that's most on my mind. I also don't spend quite as much time thinking about the real housewives of NYC. ;) I do hate it when there's a personal space invader though.

Great blog and photos, though, Petra! I'm enjoying it. Let me know what Jewish Heaven's like!

[Petra Cross]

Once I get there, I'll sure tell you all about it. :)

[Jim B]

"Here is a small insight into my mind -- few of my thoughts as they come. There is a technical term for this style of writing, but I really don't feel like looking it up on Wikipedia."

I believe that it's called "stream of consciousness" or something like that.